The Women That Strength Built

Just another weblog

Letting Go Makes You Stronger January 27, 2010

Filed under: Tools for Strength — thewomenthatstrengthbuilt @ 4:00 am
Tags: , , , ,

 “We need to find the courage to say no to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.” 

 –       Barbara De Angelis

             If you look around your house or apartment, will you find remnants left from past relationships?  Do you have jewelry, books, CDs, furniture that came from your past partner?  Are you still holding on to these because they bring you fond memories?  Do you think you may still get back together and will want the items later?  Do you like to look at them and remember when times were better?  Is this really doing you any good at all?

            When I was younger, the first thing I did after a breakup was to purge anything from my life that reminded me of my ex-boyfriend.  Stuffed animals, pictures, matchbook covers from restaurants, records – everything went immediately.  But somewhere along the way, I started collecting stuff – a few pieces of jewelry here, a picture there, a box of trinkets to look at when I wanted to remember.  This all seemed very innocent until I went through a divorce a few years back.

            While I wasn’t left with much after the divorce, I did keep our wedding album, my wedding rings, and some other small items.  In the time between our separation and divorce, I did manage to give away a few of those items and to discard most of the pictures.  But I kept my wedding rings.  If I was truthful with myself, I thought I should keep them in case we got back together.  Really though, I was keeping them because I couldn’t let go of a dream.

            Dreams die hard.  But the reality is that our marriage died long before our separation.  And the items I kept only served to remind me of the difficult times we shared – not the happy ones.  What about you?  Do the items you have from past relationships really make you happy?  Or do they make you melancholy?  And if they make you melancholy, wouldn’t it be better to get rid of them?  How strong can you be if something is making you sad every time you look at it?  Wouldn’t it be better to turn it into something positive – to let it go and leave the space open for something new?

            I did that today.  I took my rings to the jeweler and sold them.  I only got a fraction of what was paid for them originally, but I needed the money and was satisfied with the amount.  And driving home, I realized I was really happy.  I had let go of something that brought me mostly sad memories.   I no longer had any physical connection left to my past relationship.  And I had opened up some space in my life that could be filled with something new and positive.  That was worth much more than what the jeweler paid me.

            What about you?  Those things that slowly squeeze your heart when you look at them – could you let them go?  Sell them on e-bay?  Donate them to charity?  Can you get rid of what’s not serving you today?  I did.  And I feel stronger, freer and more positive about my life.  I hope by taking a chance and releasing some of your unhappy past, you can do that for yourself.  After all, you deserve to feel strong.  And you definitely deserve to be happy!

 – Kandice


Welcome to the Women That Strength Built January 19, 2010

Filed under: General — thewomenthatstrengthbuilt @ 12:52 am
Tags: , ,

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”

– Mohandas Gandhi

Indomitable will – the ability to persevere no matter what the circumstances. I have known so many remarkable women with indomitable will.  I worked with a woman who walked out of an abusive marriage in the middle of the night in her nightgown, went straight to the airport, and flew from Egypt to America to escape her precarious life.  I have a relative who raised three children on her own while studying for her CPA license and fighting multiple bouts of cancer.  I met another woman who left a marriage to an addict, only to help his next wife when he was abusive to her.  Why?  Because the second wife needed support and had no one else to turn to but the woman I met.  And yet many times in their lives, these women doubted themselves. 

I recently went through a difficult situation where both of my parents were sick and in-and-out of the hospital at the same time for over a month.  I took off work to care for them.  I drove three hours every day to be by their sides.  I took care of all their personal responsibilities while also communicating daily with doctors, home healthcare people, social workers, etc.  I was exhausted, stressed – and strong.  I felt that I could handle absolutely anything.  And then life returned to normal.  And before long I found myself doubting my abilities in my daily life, questioning my decisions, and feeling incapable of handling many things.

Why is that?  How can women go from being the glue that holds other lives together to not having the glue to keep themselves from falling apart in many daily situations?  How do we lose the ability to recognize and keep hold of our power and confidence?  Why is it that some of us never learn how truly wonderful we are?

I believe it’s time for this to change.  It is time for women to support each other and to help each other find their strength.  It is time for us to remind each other of all the times we’ve been strong and how powerful we really are.  It is time for us to teach our daughters how exemplary they are.  Think what a truly amazing place this world could be if all women recognized these qualities in themselves.

With each entry of this blog, there will be a link to a women’s charity (listed under the blogroll).  If you desire to show your support in this manner and can, then please donate or volunteer your time.  If you don’t have the money or time, then reach out to a friend and help her see how strong she really is.  And please check back often.  In the months to come, this blog will contain inspiring messages, helpful stories, guest postings, and ideas on how to become strong and stay strong.  Together we can make this world a better place for everyone on the planet.

 – Kandice